Choosing to have a long engagement, no matter the reason, can often bring a lot of interesting responses from what many would call 'The Peanut Gallery'. Hard to believe, but it seems, engagements over 12 months just get a bad rap.
It's true that in 2010, the average length of engagement was 15 months, but recent studies by weddingbells.ca are showing the average length has climbed back to 18 months (and 24 days to be exact). Of course, for those who have trouble remembering how to do math (as I do many days), an 18 month average means there are many 2 years engagements, or even longer, as well as many shorter than 18 months. So first, let's acknowledge that there is nothing out of the ordinary about our choice. (P.S. For any young women reading this post, feeling like everyone is getting married but them, another worthwhile statistic from the study is that the average age of an engaged woman in 2012 is 29 - quite a change!)
So, with this information in mind, lets hear from the peanuts:
Can't you move the wedding up? 'So-and-so' might be dead.
'So-and-so' may not be living nearby anymore.
'So-and-so' may have another commitment.
You're planning already? But you have two years!
You've already been together for 5 years, why on Earth do you need to wait for 2?
Doesn't it bother you that people will get engaged and married before you do?
Phew. Heavy.
Well let's deal with the first elephant in the room - although we are excited about those we want to share the day with us, it is still our day first. Yes, it is disconcerting to think someone might be dead by the time we get married. And yes, it will be awful if someone is unable to make the day because they have passed on. But let's be honest - anyone could die tomorrow. Is that just cause for us to get married right this instant? Who knows what the future holds. It doesn't seem right that we should adjust what we feel is best for an unknown.
And hey, once you get past potential death, the other two so-and-so's (those being the living nearby's and the other commitments) are almost laughable. I would say, those reasons are the PERFECT reason for a 2-year engagement. Now we're giving our guests plenty of notice so that, should they need to move, they will have over a year to make arrangements/savings/etc to visit the old stompin' ground around the wedding. It should also give them time to plan around those other commitments, and figure out some options.
My other favourite elephant - the envy elephant. Does it bother me that others are getting engaged and married before me? Are you kidding? Does it bother you that someone has a birthday before yours every year? I'm thrilled to see our friends and others close to us getting engaged, and a marriage is always happy, no matter whether mine has happened yet or not. My day will come, and I hope everyone will be happy for me too - so why wouldn't I be thrilled for their milestone?
And finally, as mentioned in a previous blog, as far as waiting to plan because we've got the time...that seems crazy to me. Starting planning now, gives me these great benefits:
1) Definite choice of date for my venue
2) Ability to work at the plans in easy chunks, read: months to work on invitations, rather than one late night over wine with girlfriends
3) SALES! Hello 2 Boxing Days, 2.5 summers of garage sales, and months upon months of 40% off coupons at Michael's (plus dress clearance sales, including Kleinfeld's, whose annual blow-out features dresses as low as $499)
4) Lots and lots of Bridal Shows leading to lots and lots of contest entries
5) Sure I've been stressed over venue, but time means that this 3-4 month delay on a venue doesn't cause the entire plan to roll into a schmozzle, because I've got buffer room.
6) Lots of time to sit back and enjoy being engaged
7) Lots of time to be okay getting aggravated and taking a hiatus from planning
8) The ability to DIY and craft elements like there's no tomorrow. And I can pick big crafts too. It's a little exciting.
9) Some vendors are willing to lock you in to the price they are advertising in that year. So, if I book something now, I am paying the 2012 price, versus whatever their mark-up is in 2 years' time.
10) An ability to ask lots of people with lots of amazing talent for help/support on the big day
11) An ability to seek out friends with amazing talent for help/support on the big day (jks)
One good point that has been presented to me is the risk of changing my mind. This one does worry me as I am an indecisive person. What keeps me sane is that the image for this day has been with me since I started assisting on weddings about 4 years ago. The only changes are those needed to fit what is possible in this climate and price range. Indecisive as I am, if I've held it this long, I'm hopeful it's not going to change too drastically in the coming years.
Time flies when you're having fun, and even moreso when you're making plans (that's why they always tell you not to wish away your life...spend too much time thinking about tomorrow, and today is gone in a flash). Two years to go may seem like an eternity to some, but with the first 8 months of my engagement already gone, an eternity is an understatement. Not to mention, eternity is the time I plan to spend with Jeff, not the time I plan to spend planning it - 2 years compared to a lifetime together is nothing. At least in my book.
